Mae Breakall

A lot of what I have to say has been said before, but when someone asked me today what I thought contributed to my feeling better this morning than in months, I realized I had SO much to say to answer that. This is going to be stream of consciousness again and will veer off [...]

I wish I could write here about the roller coaster of the past eight months, about the sadness, the fear, and the beauty and the healing-because it's all important- ut I just can't find a way, because telling my story would be telling a story that involves other people, and I really try not to do that [...]

So I meant to do this more often, but it's a roller coaster in my head, so here we are. I've got two therapy sessions under my belt, and I'm really feeling good about this in a long term view, though it's really scary and overwhelming to think about the work. I love my therapist already [...]

Ok, so the past week was one of both progress and frustration. I'm gonna break down what was good, what was bad, and what was downright ugly. Good: I'm definitely getting stronger and fitter-for the most part I'm able to get through each circuit without pausing for a break, which used to be "normal" but 2 [...]

So, I've been back at it for a few weeks now, but haven't had the time or resources or focus to write.i can't really talk about my lost late  March and all of April, as cathartic as it would be, because i can't write without saying something negative about some people, and you know what [...]

I'm so sad not to be nursing anymore. I waited so long for my "baby years" and they were over painfully quickly. I want another baby with all my heart. As much as I wanted Lexi for ten years. It's like a new form of infertility. I want another baby, I have the love to [...]

The baby is fussing in his crib. I feel my daughter beside me. I'm so tired. I feel the fear, so familiar, pricking at the edges of my barely conscious mind. I need to wake up. Eyes open, rolling over. She says, "it's ok, Mama, I'll cheer him while you wake up." "Ok Baby, thank you." [...]

This month-maybe longer, if it helps- I am going to write more. I'm going to share. I'm going to be as transparent as I can without letting myself dwell on things that aren't healthy and without calling anyone out or being passive aggressive-because that's not what this is about. It's about being a voice. For [...]

These products are the newest step and effort in my treatment of and recovery from PPDA. I've done lots of reading, and found that deficiencies in B12 and general inflammation (helped to heal by high potency EPA and the right probiotics) can cause or exacerbate mental health issues. So here's the plan: Morning/breakfast: 1 tsp B12/1 Tbsp [...]

Oh my stars it's been so long since I've blogged about fitness. I barely know where to begin. Let's start here. I've broken up with the scale. Part of this is because I have a new scale, and my old one is the one I used for my entire journey up till it broke shortly after [...]