I’m so sad not to be nursing anymore. I waited so long for my “baby years” and they were over painfully quickly. I want another baby with all my heart. As much as I wanted Lexi for ten years. It’s like a new form of infertility. I want another baby, I have the love to give, I love being pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding, all of it. But I’m not well mentally, and I know that two babies with a mama is better than three with no mama. That’s devastating. I’m too broken in the head to do this thing that’s so beautiful and powerful and fulfilling and that so many people take for granted. I cry over it almost daily. My womb feels hollow.