Beginning to make connections: this is hard.

Mental health post: I have been asking myself a lot over the past few mos “is ____ part of my illness or part of who I am?” This week I realized the answer is : both. I will overcome aspects of and develop ways to manage my GAD, SA, and OCD, but they, especially the first and last, will always be part of who I am. They all have been, to some degree, as long as I can really remember. That’s been really hard to wrap my mind around.

As a child I remember feeling terrified meeting new people or going new places. I’d be told “you’re not shy!” And it’s true, I’m still not! But I have social anxiety, and I have ALWAYS hated situations where I’d have to meet new people, even when I’ve been doing well with my mental health.

I have always asked the people I love if they are mad at me anytime they are quiet or I don’t hear from them for awhile. I always chalked this up to Insecurity-I’m now beginning to recognize it as an obsession and its compulsion.

Right now, making these connections is breaking my heart, to be honest. But I’m trying to focus my eyes on hope that God is going to use all of it for good.

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