It’s such a weird time, isn’t it? I’m writing this on Friday, because it’s been just a crazy week, energy wise and emotionally. My period finally came last weekend, and while that is great, it’s been a rough one. I’ve been having all the feels, while being tired, while dealing with the effect of this pandemic on my mental health. Let’s dive on in, and see where things are this week.

Nutrition: I don’t even know. I did eat breakfast every day of the past week, though I think I forgot lunch once. I am still on this weird rice/butter/parmesan cheese kick, which isn’t the worst thing ever, but. since my exercise this week was…nil, or really close to it, not really the most effective nutritional choice. There were also a lot of cookies at night with Scott, but they are gone. I’m still sorting through how to make sure my nutritional needs are met during this time when even buying groceries feels less than safe. I am hesitant to buy many veggies, because washing them effectively feels daunting and like it might really send me into an OCD spiral. I’ll admit I am relying a little more heavily than I’d like on my supplements to fill in the gaps right now. I think I can fairly safely order packaged greens, at least, maybe those shrink wrapped english cucumbers, cartons of tomatoes, and bagged apples and some bananas for the kids. I’ll do better about that at least. I am back on my seeds, if a few days behind on starting. Hopefully that will be helpful. Goal for this next week is to make sure I am including what veggies I can into my diet and eating more than rice for lunches.

Rest: Scott working from home has not been a support to my self discipline in going to bed on time and therefore being able to get up and moving well. That’s entirely on me and not him, but it needs to improve. I have, at least a couple times, made sure I got a real break during nap time, and even sat outside in the sun. I am really going to make a priority of this going forward, especially on days I’m not writing something specific. It’s a magical time of year when there is lovely weather and no mosquitoes yet, and I need to take advantage!

Exercise: PFFFFFFFFT! I was doing soooo great at this, and then it crashed and burned. Well, no, more like I got a flat tire, and while I haven’t slashed the other three, I’ve basically sat by the car and not fixed the flat. My period slashed my motivation and I was tired, hormonal, and staying up late, and it was a bad mix. Hopefully, after the 90000th repeat of this, i have learned my lesson and will do better.

Despite my unplanned and less than ideal week off, I did have a bit of a breakthrough this morning, when trying to sort out how to get back on track. The more and more I learn about giving myself grace, even in developing a consistent flow to my days, the more I realize that concept if applicable to pretty much every area of my life- fewer rules, more habits based on giving myself what I need to be my best self. While part of that is definitely good quality food and consistent exercise, the key is keeping all of that low pressure and enjoyable. I do want to be disciplined about loving my body well, but it’s just not gonna stick if it feels like punishment or what I “have” to do. Exercise is not the “price” of having a strong, healthy, and confident body, it’s a part of the path. So, with that in mind, I’ve loosened up my workout routine a bit. I’m still going to be following a specific plan for strength training, as far as planning what i’m working on ahead of time, but that’s mostly for efficiency- can’t really float around and get an effective workout in a short time. For the rest, though, it’s a little different.

For example, instead of

Monday:

• 45 Minutes on bike
• 30 minutes yoga
• 45 minutes strength training
• 30 minute walk

It looks more like:

• Ride
• yoga
• strength training (push day)
• walk (if able)

It’s a subtle difference on paper, but in practice, it should allow me a lot more freedom and flexibility to do what feels good and sounds fun, leaving room for spontaneity (that is a HARD word to spell!) when it comes to riding or flowing with friends. No more “oh, I can’t, I have a 45 planned for tomorrow. ” Know what else? i don’t HAVE to go full force in every ride. I can just be there and have fun. I’know. Mind blowing.

Self Care: See above for more PFFFFFT. This weekend I am going to shave my legs, give myself a facial, deep condition my hair, maybe shape my eyebrows, and therefore give myself a head start for the week ahead. Then, the goal will be to maintain what I’ve set up, using the prescribed times of day to do so. This is not rocket surgery, but you sure couldn’t tell from how bad I’ve become at it.

Soul Care: I’ve done some version of this every day the past week, in the form of worship music, praying over a verse, jsut praying…but I really want and need to to get back into my daily soul care rhythm. It all starts with getting up on time, which starts with going to bed on time…

Body Image/Love : this is…hard right now. I will say that having a best friend who is pursuing health over anyone’s beauty standards alongside me is a huge help. I ordered some shorts today for this summer and I have no idea if they will fit. I will probably wait a couple weeks to find out, and really focus on caring for my body with rest, food and exercise the next couple weeks.

This week I LOVE that my body tells me what it needs, from more rest, to more exercise, to more water…even to sometime in prayer to release stress. I pray I can listen and respond better to this way that God speaks love to me.