What if…

…pushing harder, eating cleaner, having foods I “don’t eat” isn’t bringing me closer to my goal? What if it’s just stressing me both emotionally and physically and even slowing down the progress I’m looking for?

About two months ago, something shifted in my thinking, big time. I’m not going to go into tons of detail here, because i am quite literally writing a book about the outcome of this shift and everything that led up to it. A lot of what you’ve read on this blog will find its way into the book, but hopefully in context of step along a journey that is a little more cohesive and inspiring than all the success of the early part of this decade and the past three years of “OMG I”M SO FRUSTRATEEEEED!!!” I won’t save everything for the book, though, because i want so much to encourage and help y’all, right here, right now.

I was unbelievably frustrated with the fact that i had been doing everything nigh on perfectly as far as food and exercise for four months an basically lost 2 lbs. Something had to give. I started texting Scott frantically, like i had many times before, crying and raging that i was tired of fighting so hard. Did i need to eat less? Work out more?Get up earlier to make time to work out more? If i knew what to do I would do it! Scott told me emphatically that eating less and working out more was NOT the answer, and if anything, it was the opposite. I needed to dial it down.. and maybe sleep more-definitely not less. He asked me what Jillian would say if i called her show. I reluctantly admitted i knew she’d say ” it’s too much, Buddy… you don’t need to do all that…” But what could i give up? I love the way i feel when i ride, yoga is my favorite, and even a future career path, and Jillian was the cornerstone of losing 70 lbs in 2013-2014! How could i stop any of those? Scott told me to do what i needed to, but he thought i was overtraining, Sigh. Around that same time, my friend Kristine (my girlfriend soulmate since 1998) posted a snapshot of a passage in The Omnivore’s Dilemma that brought me to tears. In it, the author describes going on a picnic and the food that was brought along, and it was just all this REAL, GOOD Food, and in a beautiful location and there was wine, and i texted her that it was a snapshot of how i crave to live my life- FREEDOM to enjoy all the beauty that God has put in this world with all my senses. But how did that square with my almost keto, sorta paleo, minimal dairy, absolutely no bread food mindset? I started to think back and look back at the times my weight loss had been most successful and see what and how much i was eating. Know what i saw? Cheesecake. Brownies. Pudding cake. Wine. Hmmmm. I also saw that i was working out HARD 30 min a day, walking 45 min a day, and cycling only twice a week. I was living much more freely and joyfully making the “treats” parts of an overall healthy lifestyle and trusting my body to sort it all out. Something has to give here too.

It was time to redefine my goals and mindset on fitness. I was also becoming increasingly uncomfortable with a lot of health and fitness advice i was seeing presented on social media. Everything seemed so one-size-fits-all, and i have definitely found that to be untrue and defeating. So, i started journaling. I wrote pages and pages, and realized then that i needed to write a book, because my heart was aching and i was becoming less and less comfortable with weight loss culture. So, yeah, that’s happening.

Since this shift, though, I’ve been doing things differently and finding some freedom and even progress in unexpected ways toward my goals.

Here’s what i am no longer doing:

  • HIIT workouts with Jillian
  • Getting up at 6am and…
  • Walking 2 miles before my Peloton class
  • Demonizing foods in and of themselves (more on this tricky subject very soon.)
  • agonizing about having a glass of wine.

Here are some things I’ve begun doing:

  • yoga as my main form of strength training
  • Sleeping till 6:30- amazing the difference 30 minutes can make!
  • Having a freaking turkey sandwich if i want one!
  • Digging into what it means to live more and think less.

In the first few weeks of doing this i saw a consistent loss of a pound a week, which tells me i am on the right track, but even more exciting is that I FEEL so much better and more energetic and not dreading my workouts. I am currently in a hormone hell due to some stressors, so I’m not weighing in, but that’s okay with me.

I’m beginning something new.

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