I feel like I’m learning so much about this journey constantly. My thinking has to be adjusted so often on so many facets in order to keep going, and I have to turn off so many of my instant gratification desires in order to, as Alex Toussaint would say, “Trust the Process”. I have to find a way to do that, because, by the numbers and measurements I’ve always used, I’m getting absolutely nowhere. Like, for real.

Here are the measures I am/will be tracking:

• Weight: 181 😑
• Jeans progress: I think I’m going to start bringing my jeans down to try on and take a picture of on Monday morning before I walk. It’s the best I can do for now.
• Waist: will start tracking this next Monday so I can get pre-exercise data (exercise makes me swell.)
• Hips: see above
• Thigh: See above

And here’s a new one:

• consecutive workout days. -because while my external is taking awhile to show me the money, I’m displaying massive discipline and mental strength. The number of days I have done my scheduled workout without skipping is staggering to me: 78. Seventy eight. I have not missed one scheduled workout in 2018.

I’m really proud of that, because I have had some really discouraged times from my seeming lack of progress, and it’s been hard to keep going without that payoff to keep me going. But, like I’ve said, I’m no quitter.

I don’t know why the scale isn’t showing me more progress, I really don’t. I don’t really know why my jeans aren’t fitting beautifully after 2.5 months of consistent super intense workouts. Part of me wants to blame Declan’s Birthday cake or the chicken nuggets I ate at the drive in on Friday, but I know that’s not it because I have been working out SO hard, there’s just no way those few deviations have kept me from losing weight. It’s not that I’m grossly underestimating what I’m eating. Here is a typical day on my MFP diary:

Here you can see the calories I took in and what I burned from exercise. The first number is what it would take for me to maintain my current weight. I would have to literally be eating twice as much as I’ve tracked to maintain. I’m not. I’d have to be eating 30% more than I think to be at a deficit where I would lose 2lbs a week. By that math, I should have easily lost 22 lbs so far this year. I’d be just about done! I have not. As of this morning, I was up a pound.

I don’t know for sure what’s up, but I have a few theories, and action steps to respond to each of them:

1. My body’s still adjusting to the amount of exercise I’m doing. This is kinda a “sorry not sorry” thing for me. I’m LOVING riding my bike so much and the Jillian workouts aren’t going anywhere, so *shrug* what I can do here is optimize recovery.
2. Sodium/girly hormones. I put these together because they might be a factor right now, like, at this moment in time, due to where I am in my cycle and what I ate at the drive in and salty cheese on Saturday, making the difference between weighing in at 178 and 181 today or something, but these are clearly not the main cause of me being stuck for going on three months. Well, hormones are probably a factor, but not the normal cyclical variety. More on that later.
3. Food. I’ve been stuck before but not for quite so long. The answer then was that I wasn’t eating enough. When I started eating more, and really trying to keep my deficit at 1000 calories, weight started coming off, and I was on my way to that lovely transformation of 2013/2014. The scale moved, not always at 2 lbs a week, not always at 2 lbs every other week, even, but I was shrinking at the rate of a pant size every 6 weeks or so, and that was plenty of progress for me. I don’t think I stuck to eating that much for long, at least not every day, but progress kept happening, and those calories were definitely available to me. I’ve set the intention to get back to that a number of times over the past couple years, but mentally, it’s SO hard, and I don’t really think I’ve done it often, and definitely not consistently for long. I’m gonna try to be brave enough to do it now though, for at least the next three weeks, through the end of my next recovery week. If that, plus the other action items I’ll list below have an effect, I’ll know I’m on the right track.

So. Action items.

I basically need to Optimize recovery to balance all I’m asking of my body. . I’ve been doing better at this in regards to sleep for the past few weeks, just accepting that for now, my body needs a nap, and while I’d love to read or craft in the afternoons, sleep will serve me better in this season. In addition, I aim to:

• Do more recovery style yoga. It’s not time yet for me to dive into the yoga I really want to be doing, which is more challenging and actual exercise, but I do think my body could and will really benefit from more of the restorative variety. I’m going to start with making it a priority at least three times a week, and hopefully get to six or even seven.
• Use massage tools. If I’m watching TV, or in between tasks, I need to be using tools like my Tiger Tail and my foam roller to break up the fascia so my muscles can heal better.
• Eat more. Like I wrote about above, this is gonna be so hard at first, because it feels counterintuitive, but really, it’s something I probably need to do for my body. I’m going to track everything that goes in my mouth (except non starchy veggies because they don’t count.) and hopefully my body will thank me for giving it more fuel.

So, now I ask myself, what are my expectations, realistically, from making this change for this three week period (to start)? My period is supposed to come sometime in the next 2 weeks according to recent history, so I probably won’t see a bunch of change, if any, at first. Also, I know my metabolism is kinda funky, so I don’t expect to suddenly drop 2 lbs a week after being stuck for over a year. I think, by the end of my recovery week, I’d like to see 175-176 on the scale. That would be a loss of about 1 lb a week, since I’ve seen 179 a lot lately. If I saw lower, that would be amazing, but I’m not holding my breath. And as always, I don’t give a crap about the scale if/when my jeans feel good. At that point, it’ll be an interesting thing to track as my body composition continues to change.

Thanks for joining me on this ride!