Today during my devotional time and after, I’ve been trying to identify the lies that are contributing to my heartache and root them out.
One of the biggest is that I don’t “deserve” more children, and that’s why I don’t have them. It’s a lie because none of us deserve children and God gives them to far less “deserving” people than me! The lie that my friends have 3, 4, 5 children in their twenties because they are more deserving is something I need to get out of my head. The truth is that God has a different plan for each of us, and there is nothing better and more fulfilling than that! So, with His help, that’s one truth I hope to carve into a space a lie once occupied. I’ve believed that lie a long long time though.
I’m emotionally and physically exhausted from this struggle, but I’m so thankful I was able to have excellent devo time as well as a great workout this morning. I’m hoping to get a little more upper body work in during naptime. I know that the emotional strain of this time is affecting me physically, and I’m doing what I can to reverse that. I don’t know how I’m supposed to relax enough for my body to let me get pregnant when I’m fighting this battle. But I hope that if I run back to God every time I feel the fear swell, He will bless me despite my humanity.