I’m writing about this a lot, but it’s because if I have to go through this whole TTC thing again in a couple years I want to have a record of what it was like this time around. And because talking things out is how I process and feel better, instead of letting them build up in my head. So, this is gonna sound a lot like some posts from late December and early January.
A lot of little things are making me think I’m pregnant. It started way too early in the cycle for me not to feel like a crazy person, though, and that’s why I’m struggling so much I think. Or maybe I’m fighting hope. I want to hope, but in light of what we’ve been through recently, hoping seems foolish and seeing signs of pregnancy three weeks into the cycle seems even more so. I had suspicions in December, but not as early as this time. I was right though. It’s mostly the same stuff: weird feelings in my lower abdomen, nausea from time to time (especially during my morning workout), decreased performance during these workouts, flatulence (I’m being real here), elevated heart rate, shortness of breath-these last two occurring at unexpected times for someone at my fitness level, dizzy spells, weird dreams (though not too crazy yet this time)…I dunno. It’s mostly the exercise stuff. I just don’t know what to make of it, and I don’t know if I’m more frustrated by the decreased performance itself, or the fact that it’s making me hope. I think the latter. I don’t feel like these workouts are particularly difficult or intense, but my body isn’t responding to them as I’d expect. It’s not my muscles getting fatigued, it’s my heart rate jumping that’s forcing me to take breaks. Maybe I’m asking too much of myself. I just don’t know.