This is my body, today.

I did nothing to prepare for this picture, other than clean the mirror and close the blinds so I’d be less backlit.  I didn’t remove the hair from my face, or try to find a flattering pose, or anything like that.

This is my body, today.

This is not a “before” picture, because there is no, “after”, really. It is a picture of a body in process, like every picture is, has been, and will be.

This is my body, today.

She is on day 62 of this menstrual cycle, and is tired of waiting for the reset that a period provides.

This is my body, today.

She is a body that has carried me through trauma, love, heartbreak, mistakes, redemption, healing, victory, joy, more trauma, a lot of confusion, and a lot more healing.

This is my body, today.

She is a good body. Today. Not when she sheds thirty or fifty pounds. Not when she looks like my sister or my friend or anyone else. Not when she can gracefully hold all the yoga poses I want her to. Today.

And I am going to treat her with love.

I will not restrict the food that nourishes her.  I will not believe the lie that she has to be smaller or firmer to be worthy, beautiful, or powerful. I will listen to what she is asking me for, what she needs from me, and give it to her, like a good mother.

I will mother my good body actively. I will no longer look at the ebbs and flows of fads and rules and good and bad food. I will release her from the stress of trying to “keep up” and feelings of failure when “rules” are broken. I will not diet. I will not cloak the wolf of restriction in the sheep’s clothing of “lifestyle change”, and instead, will pursue quality nourishment, reassuring, healing, joyful consumption of food as more than necessary fuel, but as *nourishment*!

I will no longer seek to “earn” my food by burning enough calories with my movement. (read that again.) My movement is to make me feel more alive, more myself, to give me the strength and energy I want and need to live life to the full. It is neither punishment for not being the right size and shape, nor a currency to earn the food I eat.

This will not always be easy. Every day, for a long time, I expect to wrestle with my programming, that tells me that I have to be a specific shape, size, body type, or following certain food rules, in order to be eating “right. I am, and will continue to be, bombarded with messages that contradict the truths my body already knows, and I will have to brush them off like the dirt they are.

This will take time. Both the mental unlearning and the physical healing will not come overnight. It is, and will be, scary, to follow a new path, but, I hope, also so liberating, so freeing, so powerful. It will be a journey.

I’d love you to join me. Will you?