I’m sitting here trying to remember the past week, because, maybe due to this hormonal limbo I am living in, it’s a bit of a blur. I’m really exhausted, but not completely in a bad way. I’ve essentially taken a full week off from YTT, both because I haven’t had the mental energy to tackle the assignment that I have to pass in order to move forward with anything else- it’s not a hard one, at all, it will just require time and practice, and Scott’s help, and he is also super burdened with work lately. Maybe it’ll happen tonight, but if not, I’m pretty sure we will get to it this weekend. In my therapy session with E last week, when asked what my homework should be between sessions, I confessed that I have been really bad at caring for myself, even in small ways. So, my homework is to wash my face every day. Sometimes the only way to progress in an area is to ask for help!
Nutrition: This has been going pretty dang great, actually. We didn’t eat anything crazy the second half of last week or over the weekend, so that was a win. I was really exhausted Saturday night, so Scott brought us all Chipotle. It meant a lot that he both thought to take care the burden of dinner off of me, and made a choice that would serve my body well. I did my meal prep this week, so wise breakfast and lunch decisions have been easy. I also tried a new zuchinni lasagna recipe, and both Scott and I loved it! The kids wouldn’t try it at all, which was a huge bummer, but I’m hopeful eventually they will open up to new things. I have been feeling pretty strongly that I need to stay alert and intentional about food, because it really does make a difference in how my body feels. It’s a challenge, to balance intentionality with freedom. I don’t want to become restrictive with food, ever, because I know that’s not healthy for me mentally, but I also don’t want to be lazy and overly permissive and sabotage all my wellness goals in the name of “freedom”. It’s something I’ll likely be working though awhile until I find the right mixture.
Rest : This is getting better in a lot of ways. I have resumed school with the kids, and getting up early, both of which make me plenty tired by 10 PM, so getting in bed early is becoming less and less of a choice, and more of a necessity. Last night, we were both so tired that we got in the bed before 10 and the lights were out before 10:30. Wheee! I’m also working more on that down time in the afternoon- taking it is one thing, using it well is another.
Exercise: I’m easing back into my routine here, but it’s tricky because I am still waiting on my period. It’s day 55, and I’m feeling every bit of the lateness, which for me is mood, energy, hunger, cramps, all interfering with what my mind wants to accomplish. In my cyclical training plan, this limbo time is color orange, and I am only to do beginner yoga and rides to which I show up but do not push hard. This is so I don’t burn myself out before my period and then have a really hard time getting going again. I don’t want to lose ten days of every cycle to that. I did take a few days off, even from yoga, last week, because I needed to restart school, and I needed to sleep in. Getting back to it, especially with my current hormone influenced energy levels, has been challenging, but I am doing it. I have a new wakeup routine, starting this week, where, after letting Bruno do his business, I drink my lemon water and do ten minutes of yoga to wake up. Then I read my Bible in a Year reading, and move upstairs to write. When I get back to the point in my cycle where I can do more than yoga, I’ll follow my morning writing time with strength training, feeding the kids, and then my full yoga session for the day. Cycling comes right before dinner time for now, but when Scott is back in the office next month, I will be able to start that earlier, or even stick it somewhere else in the day on days I ride with Kristine.
Self care : Y’all, I am writing this with shaved legs, a clean face for the seventh straight day, and a manicure! I have been getting dressed, doing my hair, makeup, and jewelry, and today I am super excited to do a facial and deep conditioning treatment on my hair. I ordered myself a sonic toothbrush, and I’m super excited to see how that ups my oral hygiene! It is hard for me, when I am tired, or feel I have a million things on my plate, to take time for these things, but it makes such a difference for me. It conditions me to see myself as something- someone that matters. Sunday night when it was time to shave my legs, or later when it was time to do my nails, it would have been easier to zone out and just watch a tv show, but instead, I put forth a little effort and intention, and now every time I see my hands or consider what to wear (unrestricted by hairy legs!), I am reminded that I matter.
Soul care: As I mentioned in my rundown of my new morning rhythm, I am doing my Bible in a Year plan every morning first thing, and, so far so good! This frees up my other designated soul care time to pray, read other uplifting nonfiction, and work through bible studies. I’m so excited for this. As much as possible, I’m hoping to do that second chunk of soul care outside, while the kids and Bruno play, because outdoor time is soul care too. I really want to get us more time in nature outside our backyard too, but one step at a time. Lexi has been using my Calm app lately, and I’m proud and happy for her to be pursuing her own mindfulness practice, and also inspired to be better about making time for my own. This next week, I’m hoping to do my 10 minute Daily Calm meditation each day.
Body image/love: this is just really hard in this limbo with my premenstrual body all tired and bloated and hungry and grumpy, but…that just means I need to make the effort to appreciate my body even more. Right now, in addition to all of the above, I just feel, honestly, kinda discouraged. I feel like I deserve for my external body to match the effort I invest into caring for it, and while I am not perfect, I am pretty dang consistent overall at eating well and moving, and it’s really hard that nobody would guess that to look at me. The truth is, or, I want for it to be, that what other people see doesn’t mean anything. What matters is that I am caring for myself and this body in a way that reflects its value.
This week I am thankful that my body is adjusting smoothly to my new and improved routine, and I will celebrate that.