Dear Baby Two,
I haven’t written to you in so long, partly because I’ve been sad, partly because I’ve been afraid. I’ve been afraid to dream of you, to let thoughts and hopes and desires and images of you as part of my life into my heart. I’ve been protecting myself from being hurt, I suppose, and since the doors have been closed to you being in my belly for a couple months, I felt like I had time. But time is up! Tomorrow we go see Dr Reutinger, and Mama will get the medicine that will help us meet you! So today, finally I’ve really started to dream. I’ve dreamed about turning Lexi’s room into a room for two, of getting a new Moses basket for you to sleep in next to our bed, of seeing Lexi hold you and love you and sing to you and share with you. One of my favorite friends just had a baby boy, and seeing pictures of her Turkey and Goose cuddling makes me so excited and hopeful! Do you know how long it’s been since Mama was full of hope? Months. Since before September Baby, maybe even since before the holidays. Dreams of you give me Hope. I’m going to pray for and fight for that hope, sweet Child of mine, every single day till I hold you in my arms and beyond. I’m gonna ask for your daddy to pray for it, and all our friends. My prayer will be like this:
Thank you so much for all the blessings you’ve given me. Thank you for hearing my prayers and being above my hopes and my fears. I’m asking today for you to bring us our baby two, strong and healthy, born fully cooked, with straight bones, healthy systems, and a heart that will seek you. For me, I ask that you will fill me with confidence and security in who You are and your love for me. Free me from fear and anxiety, guide my steps and give me wisdom. Please let hope win every battle with fear. For your glory, Amen.
I think this spring, summer, and fall will have incredible memories, and when winter comes, I hope you follow soon. I love you.