September Baby

Note: if you’re reading this you probably know we’ve suffered a pregnancy loss. As part of my healing process, this is a letter to our September baby. 

Dear Sweet September Baby,
I miss you already. I’m so sorry we never got to meet, but I will carry you in my heart always. I don’t understand why, and may never, but God decided to keep you safe with Him instead of sending you to my arms. That’s His choice to make, and though my heart aches, I know somehow it’s the best one for me, for our family, long term. In the few short weeks since I first suspected your presence, I have had dreams for you, and it’s sad to know that those dreams won’t be realized through you, that you a rent our Baby Two, and that you won’t get to share your Daddy’s birth month like your sister shares mine. Oh your daddy…in some ways I think this is harder on him than me. He wants the magic and wonder of a second child very much, almost as much as I do, and he wants Lexi to get to be a big sister too. We are both fighting for hope and mourning for you. We will always love you, sweet September Baby, and I know already that the effect you’ve had on us is permanent. We’ve prayed harder and with more faith-not fear-the past week than ever before, I think. I will always be thankful for how God has used you, tiny tiny you, to teach me more about Him. Look down on us, and know we love and miss you.
Your Mama

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