Letter to Lexi written 7/17/13

Came across this in my drafts folder in my email: 

One week from today you will be a year old. This year has flown by like I never thought possible. It has been the best year of my life. You have made my life so full. Of wonder, of joy, of rediscovery of such simple things. You have taught me immeasurable things about myself, about my strength, my patience, my ability to be better than I thought in many ways. You don’t see me with limits. To you, I am Mama, capable of all you want or need. Your confidence in me has given me confidence in myself and from that I’ve challenged myself to surpass the limits I’d put on myself! All that from such a tiny person! You are so curious-I knew it the day you were born when you looked toward my voice right away. You always want to look around and see what’s going on. You love going outside and seeing new places and things-ever since you were a newborn. You are constantly exploring here at home-this gets you in a lot of trouble at times! 

I’m amazed constantly by your joy and playfulness. You’re always happy-always- unless you’re very tired. You laugh and joke almost constantly, making faces or playing games to make us smile and laugh too-you started doing this when you were only five weeks old! You’re extremely loving, friendly, and affectionate. You always have to kiss every picture and every one of your toy friends, and every child you meet. 🙂 your kisses are the best kisses in the world! Don’t tell your daddy though. 😉 I’m so thankful we’ve been able to have such a smooth and easy nursing relationship. I love feeding you, and all the tenderness between us in those times. You’ve never been very patient when it comes to nursing though. From almost the beginning you’d get frantic as I prepared to get you latched, and now that you’re bigger, you frantically pull at my shirt. It’s a little flustering at times, but endearing all the same. I’ll admit, I’m struggling a little with you not being my tiny love bug anymore,  with missing your newborn sounds, your constant snuggles whenever I wanted them (and not just when you do, because I’m a selfish greedy mama sometimes), your new baby smell, your stillness. You were such a calm newborn. You’re still such a good baby though, so easy. You can be “a little handful” as your Daddy says, but only when you’re exploring. You aren’t a whiny baby, you don’t throw fits, even when you’re frustrated at being told “no”, it only lasts a few seconds, then you’re on to the next thing, laughing and joking. I love you, my Alexandra, more than my life, and more than words can say. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about giving you a younger sibling soon, and one thing I think is that I don’t want to take a moment away from you, that I just want to stay wrapped in Lexi land for always. But then I realize how much more fun it will be for all of us if you have someone littler than you to love and play and share (you already love to share!) and learn and grow with! I also know that no matter how many younger sisters and brothers you have, you’ll always be my first baby, the one I waited my whole life for. You are what I was made for-being your mama. Nothing and no one can take away or change how much we love each other. For always. 

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