I am totally ready to have another baby. Or, as ready as you can be. Lexi is growing up beautifully, and is more independent by the day. Her newborn days seem so long ago and far away, though I know she still needs me very much. I’ve lost all the weight and inches I gained growing her, though my tummy is mooshier than it was. Some days-many days-I struggle with the size I am, which really means the shape of my midsection, but in the scheme of all the waiting it took to become Lexi’s mama, I know it’s a tiny price to pay, even if its permanent, which I don’t plan on letting it be. I’m not pregnant yet, but hope to be fairly soon. God willing before the end of the year. It would be an amazing gift to get to spend another Christmas reminded of the first Christmas Gift by having new life growing inside me.
There are fears, too. I’m a little afraid I won’t be able to get pregnant again, though I feel a strong sense that this is going to happen on its own this time. There is also the fear of another loss. I thought and hoped that after Lexi this one would be gone, but it isn’t. The solution to it is the same as it’s always been though. God has it. I don’t need to try to control it, because He has me in his arms and loves me. I’m praying every day that he will remind me of that and build confidence and security in me, not in myself, but in Him, His Love, and the perfection of His plan.
There are things I want to do differently in my next pregnancy too. Not huge changes, but some things to help myself prepare for birth and hopefully recover quicker after a little better. I am going to continue my fitness routine through my first trimester, including cycle class twice a week. After that, I will continue walking at least 3-5 days a week and doing 30-60 min of yoga 4 days a week through the rest of my pregnancy. I allowed my paranoia to rob me of really taking care of myself last time, and I can’t do that this time.
I’m not pregnant yet though, so for now it’s yoga, cycle, walking, and Jillian Michaels workouts! Hard work! Dedication!