The Story So Far…

Lexi is sleeping, my oatmeal is cooking, coffee is brewing, and my mind is racing. I’m having to do something I haven’t had to in a long time. Give myself a pep talk on realistic expectations. These first 2 weeks (of exercise) will be the hardest, both physically and emotionally. I probably won’t see results for at least that long, I’m gonna be sore, tired, discouraged, and wanna give up-maybe doubly so on all these things because I have a baby to care for now too-but I can’t. For myself, for Lexi, for Scott, I cannot. I am strong enough mentally and physically, to get back on track and get stronger than i’ve ever been. All this has made me reflect on the past 2 years and what my body has accomplished in that time.
2 years ago, on 1/31, I weighed 210 lbs. I was in terrible shape and my PCOS was out of control. I wanted a baby so badly my heart was breaking, but I knew there was at least 30-60 lbs in my way. So I got started. In early march, I did a 2 week cleanse and lost 17 lbs. that gave me the boost I needed mentally to keep going. Slowly, I started, along with eating clean, to develop an exercise routine that would deliver results. There were some bumps in the road with joint pain and injuries, but in late April, I started swimming. 6 days a week, lap after lap. Then I read Master Your Metabolism and EVERYTHING changed. I don’t diet. It’s temporary and pointless and not real life. This book is really about lifestyle change, and it made so much sense, especially for someone with an endocrine disorder. We needed to start eating cleaner as far as the quality of what we were putting in our bodies-quantity has never been a problem for me except at my Grandma’s house ;-)- so we’ve gone about 80% organic and 100% hormone/antibiotic free, and started eating sooo many more fresh fruits and veggies. Scott dropped 20lbs immediately. I dropped about 10 over a month, but I was working out a ton and getting leaner and stronger. I’d added some DVDs to the swimming, and I was seeing results. Then I decided I was ready to start going to the gym. Initially I was just using the weights and elliptical, then I tried a BodyCombat class. I loved it, but it was killing my knees. I needed something that would torch that number of calories but not blow out my weak joints. So I took a deep breath and tried a Cycle class. I cried through my first 45 min ride, but I completed it! I was hooked! Then I tried Yoga and fell in love with that too. Around this time, we also decided to start fertility drugs. It was a challenge to get to the gym during that process, but I did my best, and I was transformed, not only physically, but emotionally. I was feeling so good, I wasn’t sure if it really was the right time to have a baby, so on the second cycle of the drugs, I didn’t have the test to see if I’d ovulated, I just decided to live my life and if God gave us a pregnancy, we’d find out when it was time. That was late October. November was my best month of exercise and health ever. I felt amazing. I didn’t even really think about the baby thing that much because I was just so content. Then, on thanksgiving, my Mother in Law told me that my sister in law was pregnant with her third child. I was devastated and discouraged. I cried out to God, not understanding why I didn’t get to be a mama. I was extra discouraged because my period was almost 3 weeks late-par for the course with my disease, I’d had to induce my last 2 with medicine. A few days after that, I stayed home from the gym because I just felt wiped out. I thought for sure my period was coming. I’d been experiencing cramping and tender breasts for a week or so and so I thought, ok, let’s get through this so we can try the fertility meds again. I knew that if I hadn’t ovulated this month, I only had one more dose increase before we topped out, and Scott and I had agreed that this was as far as we would go to have a child naturally. So basically in my mind, we were one month from adoption being the way we’d become parents. The next day, I woke up still feeling a little tired, and as I looked in the medicine cabinet for Tylenol, I saw the box of pregnancy tests. You can guess how that turned out! 😀 God is so amazing! My pregnancy was smooth and without any complications besides the severe crippling fear and anxiety that I suffered from pretty much the entire time. I worked out at the same level through my first trimester, then the anxiety just got the better of me and I quit. At my lowest (8weeks pregnant) I weighed 168-I’d lost 42 lbs! Pregnancy taught me so much about my body. Its beauty, its strength, and it made me a different woman. My weight gain was slow and steady, and I truly believe I didn’t gain more than I needed to-this was helped by the fact that I just wasn’t hungry. I ate when I needed to, but was spared the insane need to stuff my face. Thank GOD! After Lexi was born and all the IV fluids were gone, I was amazed at how my body was bouncing back! Then…the milk came in, and I started nursing. I was RAVENOUS all the time! I made good choices about what to eat, but I could never get full. It was then I knew I wasn’t going to be a woman whose pregnancy weight just melts off from breastfeeding. The fact that I weighed 11lbs more 3 days ago than when I came home from the hospital proves that. So what’s a girl to do? I can’t do a cleanse or drastically slash my calories, because I’m still EBF Lexi, and while I don’t diet, I was eating about 1300 cal a day until I got pregnant. I have been advised not to go under 1800, so I’m staying close to that. (I’m not meticulously tracking my calories, because, well, I’ll get obsessed, and that’s not healthy.) it seems my only option is to exercise. A LOT. Obviously I can’t go back to all out 4h a day overnight, so hence the above pep talk. I’m gonna do this, though. My current goal date to finally hit 150 is 6/26. That’s a rate of 2lbs a week on average, and I think it’s doable. However, I’m not stuck to that goal weight. If I’m lean and mean at 160, that’s cool. And it doesn’t end there. I am determined to always work to be stronger and healthier for myself and my family. 🙂

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