Last 90 days of 2019

So, I’ve seen a lot of the bloggers/writers/ social media folks in my Instagram Feed talking about their #Last90days plan for 2019, and I love it! It’s easy and inspirational, and maybe more natural to be driven to New Year’s Resolutions, goals, and big plans for the new year to come, but maybe takes a little more oomph to get excited and driven to *finish strong*, which is exactly what I am super excited to do!

A lot of what I’m going to be focusing on for this last few months of 2019 I have already talked about in my October Goals post, but there’s more!

I’m excited to:

-finish my 2019 Goodreads challenge! I’ve finished 73 of my 100 book goal for this year, and I’ll likely surpass that, considering I have four in-progress books that I am likely to finish by the end of this week, and so many waiting on deck!

This is my “on deck” stack of nonfiction for the Fall. A couple of these are in progress as well, but most are brand new. If I finish these, I have almost as many more on the shelf waiting, and a reallllly long list on Amazon. Annnd probably some preorders that will show up as happy surprises over the next couple months. But that’s just nonfiction. Fiction is a whole other glorious world.

-build consistency in a bunch of important areas in my life. I deep dove into how this looks right now in my October Goals (link) post, but the short version is that I’ve realized that the key to success and accomplishing my goals is consistency at pursuing them, and that is what I am focusing on this Fall to make what matters happen.

-figure out the best time to write daily. This both refers to making writing happen daily, and recognizing that the right time to write will not be the same every day of the week. For instance, we don’t do full on school and I don’t do long workouts on Wednesdays, so I have more time to write. At the same time, I want to be flexible and have time available for field trips and play dates or whatever on this day in the future, so I need to have my blocked out writing time that is an appointment with myself, as well as penciled in time that I would like to use to write if available. So, that concept is something I am working on in these last 90 days.

-start spending more time with friends. Wow, this one is equally scary and exciting. I have not shared a ton about my struggles with social anxiety, or the way that it limits my/our life, mostly because it’s embarrassing, and I tend to err on the side of assuming judgement will be directed at me rather than sympathy. I’m hoping to share more as it hits the rear view, as something I have overcome, rather than this humiliating place I am stuck in. All that said, in this last 90 days, I am gong to, little by little, work on developing a social life that is not limited to my house and one friend who is “safe” to hang out with in person. Even that one friend got fussed at pretty sharply the other night for mocking my anxiety though, 😛 I have had a standing open plan to go jeans shopping with Jett for about a year, and in the first third of this 90 day stretch, hopefully, that is finally going to happen. Developing my own social life will kill a few birds with one stone. It will teach me, little by little, that the world around me is not so bad, that there are people who love and accept me as I am, and the benefit of spending time with them is greater than the risk of being misunderstood and rejected, and it will also start filling my cup. I *thrive* on community, and for the past three years, my community has consisted almost completely in my house, in my therapist’s office, and on my phone. As I am filled, my resources to expand my world into doing more things with my kids that are too hard right now will also grow. As my confidence grows from all this and from the work God is doing in my heart in my relationship with HIM, dealing with difficult people will become easier as well.

-dig into the word and prayer. YESSSSSS! I have not been as consistent here as I prefer and as I need, especially the past few months, so I am really excited and hungry to make this a priority starting these next 90 days.

-make memories with kids and as a family. I highlighted some of this above when talking about expanding my social horizons, but the other part is continuing the family traditions we have started and managed to continue even through these last few more difficult years. We have so much fun making lists of activities we want to enjoy together, and this year’s fall list is so great! Here it is, and I’m sure we will be scribbling down additions as fast as we cross things off! (Stay tuned for our Holiday list, coming sometime around Thanksgiving!)

-real talk? Overcome raw meat fear. Sometime around last thanksgiving, my OCD morphed, and I developed some real fears of raw meat and eggs, and at times it extended to really any food. It was so rough for weeks around Thanksgiving. I threw away two turkeys because I wasn’t sure they stayed at the exact right temperature during the brining process and I was pretty sure the entire house was contaminated because I had had contact with the turkeys. I was unable to handle raw meat at all for most of this year, with a few bits of progress made. My cooking has been severely limited though, especially when i think about the way I used to cook and the variety of foods we used to eat. I need to get back to that. Because here is what’s true, despite all the lies my OCD tells me about how danger is right around every corner. It’s not. I have been baking for about 30 years and cooking most meals a day for the past 17.5. Nobody has ever gotten sick from anything I have cooked. EVER. Also, growing up I ate all kinds of raw baked goods and never got sick. Most of us have. Yes, it’s possible to get sick from food, but it’s exceptionally unusual, especially when you take *normal*, *common sense* precautions and practices when cooking. This doesn’t mean I need to santitize my kitchen constantly, it just means be smart. So, that’s my new mantra as I slowly work my way back to normal cooking. “Do what makes sense, and trust God with the rest.” It’s pretty applicable across the board, really, but I’ll start here.

-More real talk? At least get my permit. I am 37 and I do not drive. I have not been behind the wheel of a car in about 17 years probably. Until recently, I was ok with that. Anywhere I wanted to go, I could go with someone else, and I was good with that. But as my kids grow, and I simultaneously start to heal from mental illness, I find myself thinking- for the first time ever- “I wish I could…“ and I need to take action to open those doors. We still only have one car, I will probably take a great deal of time to be comfortable driving with the kids, even once I have my license, but none of that matters if I don’t take the first step. I am hoping to take that step in October, but at the very least, it will be this Fall.

I just asked myself “Is that all?” And had to laugh. That’s a *lot*! And it will all be accomplished little by little, but that incremental work will add up to a great end to 2019 and set us up for a fantastic beginning to 2020! I am SO excited to share with you my adventures and progress along the way!

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