Ladybug is Five

Oh, My Lexi. My vibrant, funny, brilliant, creative, expressive, passionate, emotional, energetic, loving, wild and crazy girl. I can’t believe you’re five already. Your baby years are behind us, and you’re crossing the bridge from little girl to big girl faster by the day. I’m So proud of you in so many ways, and mystified by how quickly you’ve grown. 

You are so creative. If I’d let you-and I’m trying to, more and more-you’d “make art” all day every day. You get ideas and you want to dive into realizing them-which is amazing, inspiring, and…messy. Maybe this year we will work on cleaning up our messes more, so we can have more freedom to create. You love to paint, make collages, sculpt with play doh, draw, build structures from whatever you can find, put on plays, and more. There is no limit to your imagination. 

You are passionate beyond words. You get they from me, and I think that helps our relationship, because big feelings are very familiar to me-if they weren’t, I’d be pretty overwhelmed, and sometimes I still am. You feel everything so very strongly, Ladybug, and while that’s a gift, I’m praying for wisdom to help you modulate and rein it in- not for my ease, not for anyone’s comfort, but for you, and your own enjoyment and freedom in life. The answer isn’t that your feelings aren’t real, that they don’t matter, or they you need to choose otherwise. Your feelings and your passion and your connection to them are a gift, an intentional way God has made you, but like many gifts, they can be the source of our biggest weaknesses too. Mama is learning a lot about that now, and hopefully that learning will help me love you and help you better. I love your vibrance, and never want it to fade. 

You are so curious about everything-right now you’re especially trying to get a handle on what’s “in our world”‘and what’s imaginary. If something or someone *is* in our world, you want to see and experience it-or meet the person. Distance and celebrity have no bearing to you. I love that. Dream, sweet girl, because it’s all in reach for you. I love that you want to learn and experience so much, and it makes me excited to take this learning and schooling journey with you, at your pace and in our own way. You also want to help teach your brother everything, and I think you’ll be a big part of his learning journey too. 

Right now, Disney Princesses are everything.  I definitely made the right call getting you dolls of some of them for your birthday. I love watching and joining you as you imagine how fun it would be if they were all friends. Moana is definitely your favorite, and that makes me happy because she’s the best role model. I pray, each time we watch that movie that, when the time comes for you to follow your heart that I’ll be able to support and encourage you, no matter how far it may take you. Right now, though, my sweet princess baby, stay close to your Mama. 

Your spiritual journey is beginning in earnest, I think, and I both swell up and start to panic at your thoughts and questions, because they are deep and important and I want so badly for you to not just hear the answers but for them to be written on your heart in a way that brings you security and courage and comfort and wisdom. I love when you pray. It’s beautiful, encouraging, heartfelt, and often comical, when you string together all the “spiritual” phrases you can think of. “Because of the lord will give you comfort in your heart and the spirit will peace and love and obey and always trust in the lord and be with you…”  oh, my Bug, I love you, and I will always pray with you and for you. 

You’re a wonderful big sister, and even though you and Bub tussle from time to time, you love each other fiercely and the first thing he wants when he wakes is “SIS!”, so it can’t be too bad when you fight. I love watching you two cuddle and watch tv, or read books together ( you’ll be reading to him for real so soon!), or play in the backyard. I know you’re bummed you can’t marry him, but I promise you can be best friends forever if you want. 

Lexi, I tell you all the time how glad I am that God gave me you. I tell you that you’re the one I waited my whole life for, that you are my heart, my dreams come true. It’s not that I love you more than Bub, it’s that there is a unique love for a mama and her firstborn. Because as much as I adore him, *you* are the one I dreamed of for my whole life from the moment I was old enough to dream of being a mama-you were the answer to years of prayers and hopes and tears and waiting, and just like the day you were born- you are worth the wait. 

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