I’m a little nervous to say this, but I think we might be through the worst of this. It’s been a few weeks, and it feels like overall things are better. Things are still hard, and some days and parts of days are really hard, but looking back, I just can’t believe how far I’ve come.
Before I get into the things I’m doing to support this, and the things that are helping, I have to share something that’s making my heart burst. I have loved Declan from the moment I met him, I have been entirely devoted to him and his well being, I have given all I have and more to care for him and lavish love on him, but the first few months were really hard and exhausting on a practical level, I wasn’t even sure if Declan liked me in my state of wrung out-ness for at least 5 weeks. Then, even after things started getting easier, this fog of hormonal darkness has kept me from the loopy, drunken euphoric stuff I felt for Lexi. Until now. Sometime over the past month, I have fallen madly, fully, head over heels in love with a red haired, blue eyed, sugary sweet smiled Little Boy.
I mean… Look at him!
One day at a time, I’m becoming the Mama I want to be for these two wonderful little people.
I’ve gotten a lot of systems in place, and am working on making routines truly habitual and routine. School is going great- we just finished week 8! I can’t believe we are 20% of the way through the school year already! I have been working out consistently and with commitment for over five months, and that is something to celebrate. I’m getting more housework done each week. I’ve been making a menu and sticking to it better all the time- cooking at least 5 nights a week and usually a few lunches too. (More if you count fixing wraps and quesadillas, and making Lexi and my breakfast each day.) all the little things are victories. Because 5-6 months ago I was feeding Declan and making sure Lexi ate and was clean and that was about it. I’m doing soooo much better than that now.
Here are some things that are helping:
I’m getting more and more consistent at this. I’m starting a study of Galatians on Monday. Starting my day like this makes all the difference. The days I do, I am more patient and loving and enjoy the moments that are beautiful.
Don’t roll your eyes. Essential oils have changed my life. Maybe they don’t help everyone, but DoTerra has some amazing blends, and even singles that have pulled me out of panic attacks, helped me sleep, helped start my day well, fixed Lexi’s attitude… I could go on, and that’s not even going into the health benefits I’ve found from them. This week I received my brand new Emotional Aromatherapy Kit with six new blends and a guide on usage and it does not disappoint.
This is my medicine. I MUST do it and I notice a definite surge of negative stuff when I miss a day. I’m having to evaluate whether I want to keep doing Tuesday nights because Shelle had to give the class up, but cycle is definitely worth the work even when I don’t wanna.
Eating well, vitamins:
I’ve really been focusing on making sure 90% of what I eat is super nutritive and clean, and it can’t help but be Good, right? I’ve also been taking my supplements consistently.
I’ve been working on getting more people time. I’ve gone to church, worship night, we’ve rejoined our Gel Group, and…
I’ve joined MOPS! I’ve only been once so far, but I already love these ladies and how real they are, and I’ve been having lots of fun with them on Facebook! They have a book club, and mom’s nights out, and Lexi is making new friends and will get to sing a song in the Christmas Program at the church where our group is based!
I’m having a session with Jamie at least once a month and I wish it was weekly. This probably makes as big a difference as exercise, because it’s someone caring for me and physical touch is definitely my top love language.
I’m making time to wash my face and put on makeup after I work out each day, and even get a shower more often! This does a lot to boost my mood and remind me I’m worth the care and time.
I know my journey with this isn’t over, and there will still be hard days, and maybe hard weeks, but I am so thankful for how things are improving.
If you’re struggling with PPD or PPDA, you are not alone. There are so many mamas facing this and so many things that can help.