I’m learning this again, still, always.

Dear Baby Two,

Still no sign of when we will meet you. And that’s ok. I mean, it should be. I should be all peaceful and “oh God’s timing is perfect…”, but sweet one, I’m not like that at all. Not most days anyway. I want to meet you so much! I want to feel you stirring inside me, to see my belly round and grow as you do, I want that moment of your sweet arrival, to hold you, smell you, and kiss you for the first time. I want to introduce you to your sister, to see her face, and see her love you. Oh sweet Baby Two, I want all these things and more with my whole heart. And I know-I do!- that God’s timing is perfect-your sister is proof of that. But, your mama has fears. Fears she won’t ever get all those things she dreams of. Feelings she doesn’t deserve you, that asking God for you is asking too much, after He blessed us so mightily with your sister. But, Darlin, I’m asking Him anyway-every single day, most days more than once. 
I know this lesson of God’s timing and His having my best interests mapped out is an important one He wants me to learn, because it pops into my life a lot. Haha! You’ll find too that He likes to do things that way. God wants Mama to learn over and over that she has to let go and enjoy the ride, or she will miss it. You know when Lexi started growing in me? When I let go and just started living my life. I still took my special medicine that month, but I didn’t agonize and worry and feel sad. I just filled each day, and she surprised us! I guess I need to do that again, Huh Sweet One? I can be patient for your When, I really can. It’s the If that makes Mama feel afraid and sad. But you know what? I can’t control that either. I can only cry out to God and ask Him to give you to me, ask Him to soothe my heart in the meantime, and have faith. Oh, and love on your Dada a whole whole bunch. That’s the easy part. 🙂

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